If Amazon says so, I won't argue!

When I hear the word "classic" being used to describe literature, my mind immediately thinks in terms of longevity and staying power; simply passing the unmerciful test of time. My brain conjurs up authors like Hemingway, Shakespeare, Steinbeck, and all of the other greats we had to read (or should have read) in school; books like Lord of the Flies, The Grapes of Wrath, and A Christmas Carol, which are enjoyed again and again with each new generation. So you can imagine how shocked I was when my Paper Bag Christmas popped up in the top 25 downloads (e-books) in the "Classic Literature" category on Amazon.com, with higher customer ratings than The Bard!

Whatever. I'm flattered, but I'm also guessing that someone accidentally fat-fingered my book's category in a lonely database somewhere. Still, it's fun to see it listed among the greats, no matter how it got there!!

[For posterity-sake, the following were a few of the other authors/books in the top 25: The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald), Jane Austen's complete works, Lord of The Flies (William Golding), The Sun Also Rises (Hemingway), A Christmas Carol (Charles Dickens), War and Peace (Leo Tolstoy), Little Women (Louisa May Alcott).]

Leia Mais…

Oh, The Vanity

Fine, call me conceited. It's probably true, because today I "Googled" myself, just to see where my name would pop up. Interestingly, I found it in some unlikely places, so I thought I'd share. If anyone can confirm the languages of the websites shown above (click to enlarge), I'd love to know! I'm guessing one is Italian and another is Japanese, but I don't have a good guess on the third.

Leia Mais…

BOOK GIVEAWAY!! The Paper Bag Christmas Contest

Hi Folks! I've heard from a lot of people that they want to be able to give copies of The Paper Bag Christmas to family and friends for Christmas. So in the spirit of giving, I'm happy to announce that I am personally giving away 5 signed copies each to 2 lucky winners, so you can have enough books to give as special gifts on Christmas morning. For details click here. Good Luck!!

Leia Mais…

La vida en Mexico

Okay, so this is going to be a bit of a "running" post: I plan to keep adding to it while I'm down here in Mexico, just to document things that I don't want to forget. I know if I don't write it down I'll have forgotten it by the time I'm back on American soil. So here goes....

11/3/08 - 7:03 AM: Ran into Amy Roloff, from the TLC show "Little People Big World" in the line to get hot chocolate at the airport. I think she got a coffee, black. Seemed nice. Wore a fancy leather jacket.

11/3/08 - 8:45 AM: In Flight now en route to Phoenix. They want to charge me $1.00 for an in-flight water? R U Kidding Me??

11/3/08 - 11:31 AM: Sat down in the only seat I could find near an outlet for my laptop. I start talking to the guy next to me and he is the PRODUCER for the TLC show "Little People Big World"! It was a weird deja-vu moment. He thought it was funny that'd seen Amy Roloff in PDX. It just goes to show that Walt Disney was right: it's a small world after all (no pun intended for the little people).

11/3/08 - 3:15 PM: Flying on a turbo prop plane, about 20 seats total. A bit bumpy. The prop is whirring right outside my window. If it happens to break off mid-flight and come crashing into the plane, I'm in big trouble.

11/3/08 - 4:45 PM: Landed. Tried to get through customs. Uh oh...I brought 2 laptops (1 personal, 1 for work) and the limit is one! The Federalis took me into a back room and confiscated my work laptop. No, I'm not kidding. I got pictures of them taking it, just in case I don't get it back. I couldn't make this up even if I wanted to. So now I'm down here on business without my business computer. Ugh...

11/4/08 - 7:17 AM: It's election day. I just finished a 3 mile run. Now I'm watching TV. The choices are either CNN's election coverage or The Three Amigos in Spanish. Yes, I chose Los Tres Amigos. ;-)

11/4/08 - 7:45 PM: The restaurant we went to for dinner waited until we'd spent nearly $2000 Pesos to inform us that their credit card machine was "suddenly broken, senor." All of our wallets were empty, so the gentleman I was with offered to trade his brand new cowboy boots for the meal. No deal.

11/4/08 - 8:40 PM: Watched John McCain admit defeat. Watched the other guy accept the nomination. Watched news anchors gloat. Turned off my TV.

11/4/08 - 9:07 PM: Was able to chat online with my wife, and suddenly my day seemed a little brighter. My brief, typed interludes with her are the highlight of this trip. I hate being away from her and the kids! LOVE YOU, BEC!!

11/5/08 - 6:16 AM: Ate cow tongue for breakfast.

11/5/08 - 5:58 PM: I'm sitting at the Hotel's restaurant, connected to their free WiFi. This is my first meal alone and I'm bored to death. I'm so bored, in fact, that I started listening to the restaurant's background music. They've got an XM radio station playing cheesy American music from the 80's. Last song played? Footloose. Before that? Wind Beneath My Wings. Before that? You Don't Buy Me Flowers (Anymore). Now Playing: Time In A Bottle. The wait-staff is singing along and loving it. Wow. Am I in a time warp? Who invented XM Radio anyway? Did they have to export the technology to Mexico?

11/5/08 - 6:42 PM: "Flan". Need I say more? The texture and caramel silkiness is so exhilarating that I can almost block out the sound of Rod Stewart singing in the background.

11/5/08 - 7:01 PM: I'm on my 3rd Diet Coke ("on the rocks") and the 1st verse of I will Be Right Here Waiting For You.

11/6/08 - 6:39 AM: Another brush with reality TV "fame" this morning. The captain and 2 crew of the boat called Time Bandit on the Discovery Channel's "Deadliest Catch" are staying at the same hotel as me. There aren't many of us here this week, so I'd seen them around before, but this morning someone told me who they are. They are like heroes in this little fishing town!

11/6/08 - 6:57 AM: Boarded a beautiful boat and went out for a "cruise" in the Sea of Cortez. My wife didn't want me to go fishing, so if she asks, that's not what I was doing. I was just enjoying the wildlife and the beauty of the endless saltwater. I saw dolphins, a marlin playing in the surf, a hammerhead shark, and lots of pelicans. Sure, we were dragging fishing lures behind the boat the whole time, but since we didn't catch anything, I don't think that qualifies as "fishing". We baited lines, we trolled, we studied the poles for any sign of a bite, but we did not reel anything in. We did lots of things related to fishing...but we did NOT fish. :-)

11/6/08 - 1:15 PM: I'm back at the cafe enjoying lunch. Well, mostly enjoying. It would be better if they'd turn that dang XM Radio off. "You have no right, to ask me how I feel...you have no right, to speak to me so..." SING ALONG! "...But for now we'll go on living, separate lives..."

11/6/08 - 5:49 PM: Landed on American soil in Phoenix. God Bless America...there is no cheesy music in the background. Next stop: HOME!!

Leia Mais…

Still Going...now at 149!!

When does the bubble burst?

Leia Mais…

Moving UP

So an hour ago the book ranked at 283....now it's climbed to 217. The auctioneer in my head is rattling off numbers like crazy..., "Do I hear 205? Who'll give me 205? 200, 200, I need 200. 200! Let's go to 185. 185. Do I hear 185?...."

Let's keep it moving!!

Leia Mais…

283 Isn't Bad!

Wow! My book officially "hit the market" today. I wasn't expecting much, but was pleasantly surprised to see it debuted as the #283 selling book at Barnes & Nobel (see fine print above). Sound like a big number? Well, okay, it's not small. But of all of the books that are out there, 283 is not bad! Tell your friends about it, and maybe we can crack the top 100. :-)

Leia Mais…

A-Maize-ing Politicians

Today I took my family to a pumpkin farm just a couple miles from our house. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, and, most importantly, there were lots of pumpkins. Little did I know when we arrived at the farm that we would also be given a crash-course in Presidential Politics. The lesson was kind of corny, but all in good fun…

Of utmost importance for my children was finding a perfect pumpkin, which required a short hay-ride to the pumpkin patch (which wasn’t really a patch at all, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. It was just a large open field. No pumpkins were ever grown there. Instead, migrant workers brought thousands of large orange pumpkins into this place on trucks, but that’s beside the point). It wasn’t until we had all found [and paid for…ouch!$!] our pumpkins that our political education began. We had some spare time and decided to have a family adventure in the farm’s big corn maze, which ended up being the weirdest, coolest, and most political pre-Halloween thing I’ve ever done…

Believe it or not, the picture shown above is an aerial photo of the corn maze. Yes, believe it! Some nutty farmer turned his acreage into a giant rock-the-vote campaign. It was so bizarre. Here are a few observations from my experience in the presidential corn:

1. The corn on the northwest edge of the field was noticeably older, like it had been planted much earlier in the season. That was helpful. Simply by it’s age I knew it must have been the McCain section of the maze, and I was better able to orient myself.

2. The farmer who mowed this thing obviously doesn't know much about the political spectrum: he put Senator Obama on the right and Senator McCain on the left. What it should have been was McCain on the left and Obama on the FAR-left.

3. Although the stalks of corn that made up McCain were starting to wither, they did look tough, as though they’d weathered a lot of difficult storms.

4. Obama’s corn looked nice and new and shiny, but the stalks were kind of weak.

5. The largest vacancy in the presidential corn maze: Obama’s head (hey, that's not a slam on Obama, just the cornfield caricature of him ;-)

For what it’s worth, we had a really fun time. Both candidates stood tall as we ran all over them.

Leia Mais…

Weekend of Icons

This weekend in Maryland was a ton of fun. We got to see so many cool things and meet wonderful people. But a few brushes with fame must be shared...

First, bronze art: Rodin's famous statue, "The Thinker", has always been one of my favorites. It just makes you think...like...what's he thinking about? The death of a loved one? How to capture the heart of his true love? The demise of the aristocracy? Breakfast? Who knows! But it's fun to think about. It is truly a stunning work of art. So my jaw about dropped when we walked into the Baltimore Museum of art to find it there on display. We didn't know we weren't supposed to take pictures, so Rebecca snapped a shot of me "thinking" (thinking about whether or not we were allowed to take pictures). Then a guard rushed over and scolded us.

Our second encounter was with a more modern icon. Although he hasn't been around as long as The Thinker, Elmo is, arguably, just as cool (and much more cuddly). At the fundraiser this weekend for the Children's Cancer Foundation, Elmo and Zoe (the REAL people behind the puppets) were there, and we got to meet them and get our picture taken. It was really exciting. Kevin Clash (Elmo) has had an amazing career, and is deserving of everything that has come his way.

Leia Mais…

Fine Feathered Friend

Warning: What you are about to read is sad. Very sad. If you have a soft-spot in your heart for God's most reliable egg-manufacturers, you should probably stop reading. As in now. Stop already! Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you...

Two nights ago, as we were packing up for our trip to Baltimore (which is where I'm at right now), I noticed that one of our chickens was missing. We have about 20 chickens, 3 of which are roosters that sort of roam free near the barn and watch the lady-chicks from the other side of the fence. Two of the roosters are a very small breed, called Bantams, while the third is probably twice as big. The missing rooster was a Bantam. So I went looking, and it didn't take long before I found the little guy curled up in the grass, barely conscious, his eyes literally rolling back in his head. He had been attacked...by his "friend", the BIG rooster. All of the feathers on his back had been pecked off, leaving just a fleshy mound of blood and raw meat.

I wanted to throw up.

The poor little guy was in such pain that he couldn't even move, and I knew instantly that we had to do the humane thing by ending its life. I made the mistake of telling my daughters what I'd found, and they all rushed to see, and then it was just hysteria, tears, and more hysteria. My oldest daughter, Mikayla, called her mother on the cell and started crying. "Mom...[sniffle, sniffle,]...the chicken..[sniffle,sniffle]...is hurt. Do you...[sniffle, sniffle]...know where the hatchet is? We have to end its suffering." That worried Rebecca, because she didn't know I was home yet, and she thought perhaps Mikayla was going to 'take care of business' all by herself.

Once I'd found the hatchet, I sent all of the kids inside except for Mikayla, who I needed to help stretch out the neck. She didn't want to see what was about to happen, so she covered her tear-stained eyes with her free hand. Just before I swung, she yelled, "Wait!" Then she took another moment to wrap her free arm all the way around her head, covering not only her eyes, but her ears as well so she wouldn't have to hear the sound of the chop. I raised the hatchet just as Mikayla whispered to the chicken, "I love you."

I could hardly bring myself to do it, but I know it was the right thing. The chicken's sorry little eyes were almost begging for the pain to end. Ultimately, the final blow was swift and sure. No more pain.

As difficult as it was to end one chicken's life, I know that I will have no trouble ending another one as soon as we're back from Baltimore....the "perp" in this brutal chicken attack (the Big rooster) is going to be chicken-stew just as soon as I get the chance.

Chop. Chop.

Leia Mais…